Rays give away 20,000 tickets while Mets offer empty 'Thank you'

When I first saw the ad on SNY in which the Mets collectively say, "Thank you, fans," I thought it was a promo for Fan Appreciation Day. When I saw the logo from the TV ad on mets.com, I clicked on it, wondering what gifts were in store for the few hardy souls still heading out to Citi Field as another disappointing season comes to a close. But the link only led to an opportunity to buy full-price tickets for the remaining games. Not much of a thank-you considering that tickets are available on StubHub for as little as two dollars and field level seats in a section behind the dugout can be had for $40.

Just as Rays management felt the need to do something above and beyond, Mets management should have explored ways to actually get some fannies in the seats for the final game. How about a pregame ceremony featuring some parting gifts for those we hope will soon be departing:

• For Jerry Manuel: A personalized MRI machine in honor of his eagerness to keep players in the lineup regardless of their physical condition. Jon Niese should have been shut down before the exhausted rookie could collapse down the stretch. Carlos Beltran has played just about every game since his return and now he needs to be shut down with inflammation in the knee, just to name the two most recent victims.
• For Omar Minaya: Season tickets for the Newark Bears and the Long Island Ducks of the independent Atlantic League, so Omar can scout for the next Gary Matthews Jr., Mike Jacobs and Frank Catalanotto.
• For Luis Castillo: A deluxe DVD edition of "Inception," since Castillo must be living in a dream world if he thinks he is going to get a starting job anywhere else in MLB.

As for Oliver Perez, he should get to start the final game. But as he takes the mound, the public address announcer will inform the crowd that as soon as Ollie gives up a run, he will be released on the spot.

Finally, a meaningful game in October, as Perez pitches for his Met career. If he pitches a shutout, he can stick around. Maybe his problems really are all in his head, and he can still pitch like the guy who got that huge contract. Imagine the suspense if Ollie shuts down the Nationals into the late innings. Can he pull it off? Will the MLB network air the ninth inning live?

Oh, who are we kidding - Ollie won't make it through the first inning without giving up a run. Maybe the first batter. And then he'll be gone for good.

Now that's the way to say, "Thank you, fans."